Losing focus?

‘Fine! I’ll do that soon,’ seems to be coming out of my mouth extremely often. True, it’ll eventually be done but always not at the right time. It’s kind of frustrating when everything seems to be done only at the last minute. It’s not that I cannot bear to be the last or whatever you may think but this is just not me! (Alright, maybe too my ego has overtaken me..) 

Somehow, the last two semesters isn’t like that it used to be. The fire in me was raging when I came into the college. Always wanting to be the best and never willing to lose an ounce of knowledge. Once I have even tore my answer sheet when I couldn’t find a solution to the problem. I would have been so frustrated if I couldn’t find the answer to any problems, be it a difficult one or the contrary. Everything seems to be so long ago now. And, as time goes by, the burning flame seemed to have lost its fuel. There’s still an aim, but there’s no more an urge nor a desire to perform. The passion of being curious is just….lost? As sad as it may seem, I have to admit that I am living up to being a Malaysian and couldn’t care about anything else. Have i been in my comfort zone for too long and got cocky? Assuming that everything will turn out to be fine?.. and yes. What I’m saying here is conflicting with my last article but this is just the case.

Procrastination is a deadly disease. It gets you addicted once you start doing it. The renowned Victor Lee (as he insists that his name should be here, =P) said that, ‘procrastinating is like masturbation at the beginning it feels great, but at the end of the day you are just f***ing yourself.’ As crude as it may seem it is true. And after that you’ll feel so crappy that you don’t know where or what to start with. Just like now, I’m bored although I have tons of work to be done. And when something gets undone or gone astray, we’ll tend to blame anything or anyone but ourselves. We’ll then indulge ourselves in self-pity and waste more time instead. When you come to think of it, you’re actually being an arse but that’s exactly what’ll happen…

I’m sure many of us out there are like that. Maybe I just need a break from everything? Or is it just another excuse? sigh. Help?


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Something out of nowhere?

It seems kind of weird that I’m finally returning to this page. Despite all my promises I have indeed neglected it for a long time. Those empty promises have indeed irritated some quarters and I’m sorry for that. Maybe blogging just isn’t my cup of tea. Or maybe I’ve been worried about the perception I would have gotten if my comments are published to the whole world. Whatever it seems to be, the fact that the excuse that I have always been giving; ‘I have nothing to say’ is not anything like my personality. (At least according to my good friend = ) )

Anyways here I am trying to bore you again. However so, there is something that really seems to bug me. It always seems that we Malaysians would never learn from anything. We would always fall first and claim that we have learnt our lessons, yet nothing ever changes. We will (and hopefully not forever) have the ‘tidak apa’ attitude and never seem to be able to accept anything comments or criticisms from anyone.

This is happening so rampantly that we ourselves don’t even notice nor bother about it anymore. When talking to others for instance, it always seem to disgust me that when someone(may it be me or anyone else) tries to correct another on his/her pronunciation, they would not only be not bothered to correct themselves but would even say, ‘come on, we’re Malaysians, it is ok to pronounce wrongly.’ I’m sorry to say this but it is NOT! What is going on with us??!!! It is because of this bloody attitude that we’re still stuck in the shithole we’re in. So what if others talk and act like this? Must we then idolize the wrongdoers and stood down to their levels as well? Wake up people! It may not seem to be a big thing but it is because of this that people perceive us as what we are; a country with first world facilities but third world mentalities. Is there even anything to be proud of?

Over the years, we have always been comparing ourselves with Indonesia, Vietnam, Cambodia and etc… which are all way behind us! Why can’t we look in front of us for once and compare with the better countries? Japan for instance got bombarded by the United States on 1945. Fine it was 12 years before we were free from colonialism, yet look at us today? Do you really think that we’re just 12 years behind Japan? Bullshit. Even a 10 year old kid could tell you the difference. And they had to start from scratch, for goodness sake! We at least got the reins from the British. True it isn’t much, but it was something at least. Worst still, we have had endless resources at that time; rubber, oil palm, gold, petroleum even. And what have they got? A cluster of volcanic mountains that ‘menstruates’ (if I may use this term) every couple of decades and of course with an add on bonus of a shaky grounds! So now, what have we got to complain about? Alright fine, some ignorant people may still argue that their people have naturally been smart and hardworking for they have overtaken the US even, at least in a couple of sectors. Look at Singapore then! It is just a tiny island that’s could not even be seen on the map, and yet the tiny little speck has a much stronger economy. It is so well known that its currency (and not ours is recognized) all round the world! This means that people round the world actually have more faith in their country! Just go to any money changers around the world and be rest assured that your SG dollars and not Malaysian RINGGIT are the ones that is tradable. Again the question arises, why is this so? Well, they again have nothing but trade and yet, they have proven time and time again to be more successful than us. Who have we got to blame now?

This sickening attitude has just got to stop! Over the years it seems that although we are apparently moving forward, our mental ability has indeed shrunken! I bet that our ex pre-independence leaders would actually be so disappointed about what’s happening to our country that they are actually turning in their graves. Whatever said above is just the tip of the iceberg. I’m not saying that I’m perfect but at the very least I am aware of this and trying to change for the better. Wake up people or before you know it, your presence will turn out be insignificant and would be perceived even as to be a waste of space! 

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